Shame and guilt are difficult feelings. We need compassion and kindness to approach them and apprentice to them safely. Shame and guilt are often confused, but they are actually very different emotions. Shame is the feeling that there is something wrong with us, with who we are. Bullying, childhood abuse and neglect, and various types of oppression (racism, sexism, homophobia, etc) can inflict deep and isolating effects of shame. Shame may also come as a result of feeling different, not understood, outside in some way. The isolation makes us feel as if we are bad. When we feel shame, we blush and look away. We have trouble making eye contact. We want to hide what seems to be flawed and defective in us. “Shame needs secrecy and silence to flourish”, says Brene Brown, “and empathy is its antidote.” Shame heals in community, and that healing requires an atmosphere of compassion and forgiveness. To heal shame is to reclaim one’s love for oneself and to develop a self-image that includes our gifts and strengths and our limits.
Guilt is a different emotion. We feel guilt in response to a behavior or action we have taken that we recognize transgresses our value system. We have done something wrong, as opposed to being inherently wrong in some way. When we feel guilt, we can correct, atone, redress. We can learn and do better. Guilt, if we can allow ourselves to approach it with compassion, can motivate us to change our behavior, to reach out and repair the damage done, to reconnect and create an even stronger bond with someone or some group we may have hurt. Guilt, if we allow ourselves to feel and respond to it, can help us become more responsible, empathetic, aware and thoughtful people.
Most of us feel some level of both guilt and shame around the climate crisis. It is important for us to do the work of teasing out shame and releasing it. Doing this work in community makes releasing the shame much clearer and simpler. Then we can identify our guilt and allow it to add fuel to our determination to change our choices and behaviors in response to the climate crisis. Community then offers us support in making the changes we decide are needed.